


Down to the Bone

by whispered_story



Series: Carve Your Name Into My Skin [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mob, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mob Boss Jensen, slightly dark themes mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-17 00:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11839854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: Sooner or later everyone leaves or betrays Jared. Except for Jensen.





	Down to the Bone

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by [firesign10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10) ♥

Thunderous. 

That's the first word that pops into Jared's head when he sees Jensen walk into the apartment. His expression is dark, jaw set and eyes hard, and Jared can practically see the tension rolling off him. 

For a split second, Jared feels unease settle in his stomach, making it twist. But the feeling leaves him as fast as it came.

Jensen isn't someone he needs to be scared of. Jared grew up with his father's short fuse, his frustrations and violence, his lack of love for other people. But Jensen isn't like that — not with Jared. 

Jensen can be scary. But he's level-headed, always in control, and never once has his anger been directed at Jared. Never once has he made Jared feel anything but protected. 

"Bad day?" he asks gently, putting down his textbook. 

Jensen rolls his shoulders, and when his eyes meet Jared's, he seems to relax a little. "Mmm."

"You want a drink?" Jared asks. He gets up, already heading for the bar, but Jensen's voice stops him.

"Come here, sweetheart," he says. Jared rolls his lower lip between his teeth, biting down onto the flesh, and crosses the wide open space of Jensen's living-room to where he's standing. Jensen takes him by the hips the moment he's close enough, dragging him in.

"I didn't know you'd be here today," he murmurs, and noses Jared's neck, up to his jaw. "Chris called me earlier and said you'd shown up. We didn't have plans, did we?"

"No. The apartment next to mine is being renovated or some shit. I needed somewhere quiet to study," Jared says, tipping his head to the side and curling his arms around Jensen's shoulder. Heat settles warmly into his stomach, the proximity to Jensen enough to get him excited. "That okay?"

"Of course," Jensen says. He kisses the spot right under Jared's ear. "I like coming home to you."

"I like you coming home to me," Jared replies, and he feels Jensen's lips curve up into a smile against his skin. "You, uh, wanna talk or..."

"No," Jensen says. He tips his head back, his eyes meeting Jared's. "No, right now I really want something else."

Jared hums, and he feels his cock starting to fill, fattening up in his jeans. 

Jensen splays his hands over Jared's ass, palming the cheeks roughly. "Ready for a study break, sweetheart?"

"Yeah. Hell yeah," Jared says.

+

Jensen has him naked and spread out on the bed in no time. The pillow muffles his cries and gasps as Jensen works him open, his ass pushing back onto Jensen's fingers eagerly as they reach deep, twist and curl inside of him.

One turns into two and three, and when a fourth finger starts teasing at his rim, Jared starts begging. _Please_ and _more_ and _fuck me, please fuck me, Jensen_.

He almost sobs in relief when Jensen pulls his fingers free and he feels Jensen's cock nudge up against his hole. Jensen drapes himself over Jared then, covering him and pressing him down into the mattress. He bites at Jared's neck, his shoulder, as he starts pushing in, not stopping until he's buried all the way inside of him.

The burn is delicious, making hot waves of pleasure roll through Jared, his head spinning. Jensen is big in the way where it's almost too much, and that makes it just perfect. Jared feels split wide open on his cock, filled so completely it's like Jensen is everywhere, claiming every last piece of Jared every time he sinks into him, ruining him for every other men all over again every time they do this.

"Fuck," Jared gasps out, the sound wet and broken, like he's close to tears. He tries to move, but Jensen's weight on top of him makes it almost impossible, and all Jared can do is squirm as small, needy noises keep falling from his lips.

They get louder when Jensen starts moving. It's not what Jared was expecting when Jensen dragged him into the bedroom. Jensen doesn't change the position, doesn't make it easier for either of them to move – he just ruts down into Jared. He fucks Jared with small, sharp rolls of his hips that make his dick drag against Jared's prostate, keeping him full the entire time, never pulling out more than an inch or two.

"Have I ever told you this is my favorite place to be in the entire world?" Jensen murmurs lowly into his ear. "Always so good for me, sweetheart. So tight and hot and slick."

"Please," Jared just manages. He blinks, sweaty bangs plastered to his forehead and falling into his eyes, his chest feeling too tight with Jensen pressing down on him, his heart racing and it's so good. Too good. Jared still waits for the day where sex with Jensen won't be this intense, this overwhelming, but it hasn't come so far.

"Just for me," Jensen says, breathing harshly against Jared's ear. "Right, sweetheart?"

"Y—yes," Jared stutters.

Jensen grabs his left thigh, fingers digging almost painfully into Jared's flesh, and pushes it further up, out of the way. Over and over, he thrusts his hips forward, the bed shaking silently under them as the pleasure sparks inside of Jared. 

"Just like this, baby. You're gonna come just like this for me," Jensen says, and Jared knows he will. He feels his orgasm build, feels the zings of pleasure get sharper, his balls drawing up.

He spills with a moaned cry and Jensen grunts above him. He bites Jared's shoulder, the sting of it mixing with the elation of the orgasm, sending a new wave of heat through Jared. Jensen kisses the spot, licks over it, and then pulls out carefully. 

Jared barely has time to miss the feeling, the fullness, before Jensen nudges him over onto his back. He blinks up at Jensen, his eyes a little wet, and Jensen kisses him. It's slow and deep, but it turns dirtier soon enough, and Jensen coaxes Jared's legs apart again and settles between them. He grinds down against Jared, hands roaming over his body, playing over his nipples, palming and stroking every inch of Jared he seems to be able to reach.

It doesn't take long before they're both hard again, cocks sliding together between their stomachs, and they're panting harshly into each other's mouths between kisses. 

Jensen grabs another condom, rolling it on, before hoisting Jared's legs over his shoulders. Jared is still open and wet, and the lube on the condom is enough to allow Jensen to sink right into Jared, almost bending him in half as he leans over Jared for a kiss. Over and over, he thrusts into Jared, but this time he doesn't say anything. It's just their loud breathing, their moans and gasps and whimpers, that fill the room as Jensen works them both to completion again.

+

Drowsy and boneless, Jared lets Jensen pull him into his arms and drapes himself over Jensen's chest. He tucks his head under Jensen's chin and curls his hand around Jensen's waist.

He feels like his whole body is buzzing, on overload from the orgasms yet lax with exhaustion. Jensen strokes his back with one hand and curves the other around Jared's hip, cupping the side of his ass. He nudges a finger between his cheek, almost gently, and Jared lets out a small whimper when it plays over his hole. He's sore, but Jensen's touch isn't painful, just overwhelming, his body not yet ready for more.

But Jensen doesn't push inside. He just presses against Jared, rubs over his hole and spreads the remnants of tacky lube around. 

"One day soon, I'm gonna fuck you bare, sweetheart," he murmurs. The words make Jared shudder, sparks something inside of him that has his heart racing and his stomach fluttering.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Mmm. You'd like that?" Jensen rumbles quietly. "Nothing between us when I slide into you. We'd feel everything, Jared, it'd be fucking amazing. And I'd fill you up so good, get you all sticky and dirty with my come, you'd be fucking dripping with it by the time I'd be done with you."

"Fuck," Jared moans and presses his eyes closed as he arches his hips against Jensen's automatically, even though it's too much, too soon. "Have... have you ever?"

They don't really talk about the people they've been with before. Sometimes something will slip out, get mentioned. But Jared has no interest in hearing the — no doubt many — guys that came before him, and Jensen's possessive streak is a mile wide. 

"Fuck no," Jensen says with a snorted laugh. 

Jared knows he has no right to feel that way, but he feels a wave of relief. Knowing Jensen has fucked a lot of guys before him is one thing, but he thinks if he'd done it bare with anyone, been that intimate with someone else, it would sting more than he'd care to admit.

"Me neither," he says. Jensen slides his finger out from between his cheek, curving his arm around Jared's ass instead and holding him even closer. He kisses the top of Jared's head.

"Of course not, sweetheart," he murmurs. "You're mine."

It shouldn't make sense, but somehow to Jared it still does. He is Jensen's, and he feels it down to the bone, so much so that he can't believe he hasn't always known, that Jensen hasn't owned him long before they met. It feels so inherently a part of Jared, fused into his entire being, that it must have been true since the moment he was born.

"We can. I'd let you," he says and Jensen hums, kisses his hair again.

"Soon. Not like this though. When I'm like _this_."

"Okay," Jared agrees and snuggles a little closer. He traces a pattern down Jensen's waist, running his fingers carefully over smooth, warm skin. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

Jensen exhales, the sound loud in the room. "Had a shipment of something you probably don't want to know about coming in today. Only it never got here, because your father got to it first."

"How'd he know?" Jared asks, stomach twisting. 

"That's the question, isn't it?" Jensen asks, and there's an edge in his voice now. 

"Someone leaked something? You know who?"

"No, but I'll find out," Jensen says. "And when I do, I'll make them regret it."

Jared has no doubt that that's true. And he can't feel any pity for the person either — and that's something that takes him by surprise.

+

Jared wakes up alone.

The sheets on Jensen's side of the bed are messy, but cold already when Jared slides his hand across the mattress.

He hates waking up alone. They have to be careful, so they don't get to spend a lot of nights together, and that's bad enough. It's worse when he does get to stay over and Jensen still isn't there with him in the morning. Jensen knows this and usually he's pretty good at at least waking Jared up long enough to share a kiss and say goodbye if he has to leave early, letting Jared have at least a few moments of early-morning-cuddling. 

The thought that Jensen forgot or maybe didn't care makes Jared's stomach twist, but he tries to push those feelings aside. Things between them are good. More than good. They're forever, though Jared hasn't voiced that thought yet. 

Sighing, Jared pushes the sheets off his body and rolls out of bed. He stretches and rolls his head around, feels a slight stiffness in his lower back and an ache in his ass. That, finally, brings a smile to his face. 

Remembering last night, how utterly perfect it had been, eases Jared's worry a little. He pulls on a pair of boxer-briefs and one of Jensen's loose work-out shirts and strolls out of the bedroom, intending to get coffee and some food before he even thinks about taking a shower and getting ready for the day.

He knows that, when he leaves Jensen's place, it'll be a few days before he'll be back. He hasn't seen any of his father's men around in a while, but he has no doubt he's still being checked up on. Jared takes a million detours and short-cuts whenever he meets up with Jensen, to be on the safe side anyway. If his father found out about them, things would get ugly, and they need to end this thing before it gets to that.

There are already plans set in motion. Jared and Jensen spent two days together just poring over details, Jared relaying every last bit of information he knows about his father to Jensen, discussing any possible weakness he has over and over again. He answered what felt like a million questions, and posed a million more himself. 

But Jared hasn't been part of his father's life in a few years, and there's too much he doesn't know. Too many things about his father's habits that could have changed, and it's been slowing their plans down significantly. 

Jensen has a few people working for him from the inside, but so far they're still waiting for something to give, to find a way to get past his father's security and strike. 

Yawning, Jared makes his way downstairs to the lower level of the apartment where the kitchen is and he blinks when he hears voices. Jensen's voice, a low, deep murmur, which at least means nothing is wrong even though it's a bit strange that Jensen has someone over this early in the morning. 

Jensen doesn't allow a lot of people into his apartment. The whole building belongs to Jensen, and everyone living in it is part of Jensen's crew, and yet Jared hasn't even seen anyone other than Chris and Danneel allowed inside the apartment. Most of Jensen's meetings take place elsewhere; he owns enough property and business around town for that, he told Jared when he asked once. Jared likes that – the house he grew up in was always filled with his father's men, and Jared had to stay upstairs in his room for hours as a kid more times than he can count. It made him feel uneasy in his own home, and he likes that Jensen separates his business from his home life as much as he can. Jensen's apartment is his safe space, and now it's Jared's too.

Jared is a little hesitant as he enters the kitchen, not sure who to expect, and the sight that greets him stops him dead in his tracks.

Leaning against the kitchen counter next to Jensen with mug of coffee in his hand, both of them bent over a large piece of paper that's spread out on the marble surface, is no other than Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 

Jared makes a soft noise, feels a stab of fear so sharp he has a hard time breathing. 

Jensen and Jeff look up at the same time. 

Jensen gives him a soft, warm smile and rounds the counter. Jared thinks he sees a flash of surprise on Jeff's face, before his expression morphs into something more neutral. 

"Good morning, sweetheart," Jensen murmurs and pulls Jared in for a chaste kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Jensen," Jared manages, but his eyes are fixed on Jeff over Jensen's shoulder, his body tense. He waits for Jeff to do something, pull a gun on them maybe, but he just watches them intently. "What is he doing here?"

"JD?" Jensen asks. "We're working together on some things."

"Things?" Jared echoes. "Jensen. He's... Christ, do you even know who you let inside your apartment?"

"I'm not stupid, sweetheart," Jensen drawls, grinning at him. Like this is funny, like they couldn't both end up shot and bleeding out on the floor within a split second. Jensen is smart, he's capable. But Jeff? Jeff is a killer. Jared isn't sure there's anyone in this town more deadly than Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and that includes his own father.

"I told you I was working on getting a new inside man, didn't I? Someone who could finally provide us with the information we need," Jensen adds, catching Jared around the waist and dragging him a little closer. Jared wants to tell him this is not the right time or place for this, but his body moves into Jensen's easily, the way it always does. "Looks like I forgot to mention who, huh?"

"Just like you forgot to mention just how well you apparently know Jared," Jeff speaks up and Jensen rolls his eyes.

"Are you insane?" Jared asks, and he really thinks Jensen must be. 

Jeff's snort catches him by surprise and Jared's attention snaps back to him. 

"I'm not a threat, kiddo," he says. And he sounds... nice. Gentle. 

It tugs at something inside of Jared, brings back memories he'd long ago buried.

Jeff is a killer. But he's also the kind of guy that, tattoos and black leather aside, opens doors for his dates and helps old ladies across the street. The kind of guy that would do his damnedest to make a miserable teenager feel a little less out of place, a little less lonely in a life he didn't want. He trusted Jeff blindly at one point in his life, felt more secure with him than almost anyone else in his life. 

But Jared also knows all the things Jeff has done, the things he is capable of. He knows Jeff stopped being on his side the moment he walked out of his father's life. Everyone did. And Jared never once doubted Jeff's loyalty to his father, and he has a hard time doubting it now. 

"You really want me to believe that?" he asks. "You want me to believe _you_ 'd betray my father?"

"People switch sides, baby," Jensen says quietly, rubbing his arm.

"Not Jeff. I mean, why would he?" Jared asks, glancing at Jensen. "Dammit, Jensen. My father's right han man? Are you really that insane?"

Jeff sighs. "Things change, Jared," he says, and he sounds weary. 

"You were always one of my father's most loyal men. Why should I for a second believe you've suddenly switched sides and this isn't just a set-up?" Jared bites out. He doesn't feel like himself in that moment – the fear is an old familiar feeling, but in that moment Jared thinks if he had a gun, he'd use it. He's only felt that way once before, and it was out of fear and pain. This time it's out of a need to protect, both himself and Jensen.

"Because it would have been suicide to betray him before," Jeff says harshly. "You think I'm an idiot, Jared? I had to do what your father said or I'd have been dead. And I gotta admit, it wasn't a bad deal. I've had a pretty cushy life, all things considered. Why risk it?"

"And now?"

"Now there's someone who can take your father down and replace him. Being on your father's side was the smart thing to do until now, but that doesn't mean I like the man very much."

"Guess we have that in common," Jared mutters, but he doesn't relax. The tension in the room is still palpable, and Jensen rubs his arm comfortingly. He's quieter than Jared is used to, less controlling of the situation than Jared has ever seen him. And he realizes it's because Jensen is letting him handle this, handle Jeff.

"Jared. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened," Jeff says quietly. He puts the mug down and steps around the counter, but he leaves some distance between them. "What your father did to you? Did to your mother? It wasn't right. I don't care about many people, but you know I cared for you two and this is one of the few things I have ever felt genuinely sorry for."

"Funny, you seemed to be on his side after he killed her. Everyone was. Didn't you all agree that she was a whore who deserved what she got?" Jared spits, bright anger replacing his fear at the mention of his mother, at being reminded what had happened and how nobody had seemed to care. Nobody but Jared seemed to feel the loss.

"What were we supposed to do, huh?" Jeff asks, moving closer. "Speak up and end up a head shorter? I like being alive, kid."

He walks up and reaches out as if to touch Jared, but Jensen quickly stops him with a flick of his wrist. The look he gives Jeff sends chills down Jared's spine. "No touching," Jensen says quietly, darkly.

Jeff halts for a moment, then nods. "I see."

"First rule if you want to work together, Morgan. Anyone who even breathes on him the wrong way will live to regret it," Jensen continues. 

To Jared's surprise, Jeff smiles. "Good," he says agreeably and then meets Jared's eyes. "I'm on your side. Well, until a few minutes ago I thought it was just Jensen's side, but it appears it's not just him."

"No, it's not," Jared says, and shifts closer to Jensen.

"You can trust me."

"How can I know that's not a lie?" Jared asks.

"You can't. And I can't prove it yet, but with time I will," Jeff says.

Jared nods and then looks at Jensen. "If he's playing us and we end up dead? I will haunt your ass in the afterlife. Got it?" he asks.

Jensen gives him a patient smile. "Got it, sweetheart."

+

Jared feels a little uneasy about leaving Jensen and Jeff on their own. Scared that Jeff will do something, that Jensen is putting his trust in the wrong person.

But this Jeff reminded him so much of the guy he used to know. The one he was when he was with Jared, when he wasn't a killer. Sometimes, Jared wondered what made him different, what made Jeff care about him, but he never dared to ask. Never dared to question it, in fear that he'd lose it. 

Jeff and his mom were basically all he had back then. At school, he was treated like a pariah. No parents would allow their kids to be friends with a Padalecki, and Jared doubts his father would have accepted Jared having friends either. Everyone who didn't work for him couldn't be trusted, and that included school kids. And nobody who worked for Jared's father, other than Jeff, dared to interact with him much either, not with the boss's kid.

Jeff had been the only one who ever showed an interest in him, and Jared sometimes wonders how much of a role his mother played in that, how deep Jeff's affection for her had run. 

Not deep enough, apparently, to not stand by his father after her murder. At least that had made it easier for Jared to walk out on everyone in the end.

+

Jared can barely focus during his lectures that day. He gets a text from Jensen after a couple of hours.

 _Still alive. Stop worrying, sweetheart._

It calms him down a little, and Jensen keeps texting him periodically throughout the rest of the day. Jared doesn't dare to call him, though, until he's back in his small apartment, away from prying eyes and ears.

"So, Jeff hasn't murdered you yet?" he asks when Jensen picks up.

"No," Jensen replies with a snort.

"He still might," Jared says, but he feels a little less worried than he did earlier that day. Not quite hopeful exactly, but maybe Jeff isn't lying. Maybe he's really on their side and things will work out. And when they do, this will be over – the hiding, the having to sneak around, always looking over his shoulder and worrying.

"I miss you," he adds, quietly, and he feels a little stupid for it, but his heart aches whenever he's not with Jensen. When he has to go home to his place at the end of the day, and Jensen is on the other side of the city. In those moments, Jared feels more alone now than he ever has in the past three years on his own.

"We're close now, baby," Jensen replies. "I can feel it."

"I hope so," Jared admits. He goes to lie down on his bed, keeping the lights in the apartment turned off, and closes his eyes. "Tell me something. Anything."

"Mmm. Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw you?"

"At the club," Jared says. "I was there, you know."

"No. No, that wasn't the first time," Jensen says. "A few years earlier, when my father was just getting established in the city and I was still mainly based in Dallas before my cousin took over there. I saw you then."

"Where?" Jared asks, and holds his breath.

"A photo," Jensen says. "My dad, he was keeping close tabs of your father. And he had a file on you too, lying on his desk. I flipped through it, and there were photos of you that were taken a few days before. You were by some lake with your mother. Just the two of you... I remember that. No guards or anything."

"My birthday," Jared says and feels a stab of pain in his chest. It was shortly before his mother died, one of the last things they did together. "My eighteenth birthday – we snuck out, ditched my father's men, and spent the day by the lake, and then we had fries and milkshakes at this really small, crappy place."

Jensen hums, the sound deep and quiet. "You were beautiful, sweetheart," he murmurs. "There was this one picture of you – dripping wet, wearing nothing but a pair of boardshorts, and you were laughing. Fucking most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. I... fuck, I wanted you. I was supposed to hate you, Jay, but I took one look at you and I wanted to come steal you away from your family, make you mine."

"Would have let you," Jared mumbles.

"Yeah? If I'd come for you, you would have come home with me?" Jensen asks. "Would have allowed me to take you with me and lock us up in my place and do all the things I was dreaming about to you?"

Jared squirms, his cock starting to grow hard as he thinks about it. "Yeah. Yeah, I would have," he says, and he thinks it's true. He can't imagine saying no to Jensen, not following him blindly. 

"Baby," Jensen hushes.

Jared slides a hand down to his crotch, palms himself through his jeans and smiles. "I was a virgin back then," he says quietly, teasingly. "Bet you would have liked that."

"Fuck, Jared."

"Should have come for me, Jensen. Made me yours, never let anyone else have me."

"I wish I had," Jensen says. "But you're mine now, sweetheart. Nobody who came before me matters."

"No, they don't," Jared says, and he thinks in that moment, with Jensen's voice in his ear and the thoughts of Jensen coming for him back then, he can't even remember any other guy he so much as looked at.

+

"I'm seriously thinking about skipping the rest of the day," Jared mutters, rubbing his eyes. He's been feeling off all day. His A/C gave out the night before and he barely got any sleep, and he's been feeling the first signs up an upcoming headache all morning. The pain isn't there yet, but Jared can feel the pressure, the tension in his muscles, and it's been adding to his foul mood.

"You?" Chad asks, raising both eyebrows. "You never skip."

"Just had a shit night," Jared says and balls up the wrapping paper of his sandwich. He lets it drop onto the grass next to him. The nearest trashcan too far away from him to attempt to toss it from here without embarrassing himself, and he's feeling too lazy to get up. He leans back against the tree behind him and tries to relax, but his shoulders remain tense.

"Uh-uh, trouble in paradise already?"

Jared rolls his eyes. "No. Nothing like that. Just... didn't get a lot of sleep."

"You sure?" Chad asks. "'Cause man, I gotta tell you, you've been moody and distracted a lot lately."

"I haven't."

"No, you really have," Chad says, and Jared's surprised by the serious tone in his voice. He doesn't think it's true, or at least he hasn't noticed, but he's had a lot on his plate lately. It's just not something he can talk to Chad about, because he doesn't know about his father, or Jensen, and the entire business.

"When am I going to meet him anyway?" Chad asks. "Dude, I usually met the guys you were dating within a couple of weeks."

"'Cause I was always dating guys from class and stuff," Jared says. "Couldn't exactly been avoided, you meeting them."

"You don't want me to meet your boyfriends?" Chad asks and frowns.

"No. Jesus, Chad, that's not what I meant," Jared says, giving Chad an apologetic look. "I'm just... not there yet. We don't get to spend a lot of time together and I want us to be more serious before I introduce him to everyone."

He feels bad about lying to Chad. Jared doubts he could get more serious about Jensen, but it's not like he can show him off out in the open and he needs to be careful.

"Soon, okay?" he promises.

Chad frowns at him, but finally nods. "Whatever, dude," he says, but doesn't sound quite happy.

Jared sighs and he's almost glad when he glances at his watch and realizes he has to leave if he wants to get to his next class on time. "Gotta jet," he says.

"Yeah, yeah, what else is new?" Chad asks, and Jared winces.

"See you later. Maybe we can get drinks or something this weekend?" he suggests, mostly to mollify Chad. He grabs his backpack and the trash and gets up.

Chad nods, and Jared leaves with a wave. He's halfway to his class, when he thinks about checking his phone to see if maybe Jensen texted him. Jared texted him earlier, just to say hi, but he hadn't heard back right away and he put his phone on silent before the last class.

He reaches inside the pocket of his jeans, but his phone isn't there. Frowning, he pats down the other side, then his back pockets. When he comes up empty, he stops and starts rummaging through his backpack. In the end, he empties the whole thing onto the ground in front of him, ignoring the looks he's getting from the people around him, but his phone isn't there.

"Shit, _shit_ ," he mutters. He quickly pushes everything into his backpack again and tries to think about what to do next. There's a good chance is just slipped out of his pocket somewhere, in class or just now during lunch. But someone could have also managed to steal it without him noticing – like someone who works for his father. The thought makes Jared's stomach twist with anxiety.

He has Jensen's number saved under "Jack", just in case. He deletes their messages and his caller history regularly, doesn't have any photos of Jensen saved, but the thought of someone having his phone still makes him worry.

He decides to retrace his steps first, walking back to the meadow quickly, brushing past people without paying too much attention. Chad is still there, and Jared hears his voice before he sees him, the tree blocking his view.

"I tried to make Jay talk about it, but it didn't work."

Jared stops. 

His heart stops, too, just for a second, and his stomach gives a sharp, unpleasant twist. 

"He clams up. Nothing I can do," Chad continues. "I'm not sure what you want me to do short of following him. We're gonna get drinks this weekend, so maybe if he's had a few I can get him to talk."

It can't be, he tells himself. But he knows what he's listening to — Chad doesn't call anyone else Jay, and he can only think of one person Chad could be talking to about him. Chad and he don't have any mutual friends Chad could be talking about him with — hell, Jared isn't really close to anyone but Chad. 

It must be his father. Jared can't think of a single person other than him who'd be interested in his life, what he gets up to. 

Jared feels sick. He leans against the tree for a second and tries to calm down, to breathe.

"Yeah, okay. I'll call you again in a couple of days," Chad says. 

Jared gives himself a few more moments, then he takes a few steps back and coughs before he rounds the tree.

"Chad, hey," he says, trying to sound casual.

Chad looks up at him, eyes going wide for a second. He stuffs his cell phone into his bag. "Jared. What are you doing here?" 

Jared gives him a smile that he hopes isn't shaky and scans the ground. His phone is sitting where he was earlier, half covered by grass. "My phone," he points out and grabs it. "Thought I lost it."

He gives a little laugh and Chad grins at him.

"Dude," he says. "Good thing you came back. I wouldn't have noticed."

"Yeah," Jared says, trailing off.

"Class."

"What?"

"You're way late for class now, dude," Chad says.

"Yeah, right," Jared agrees, glad Chad gave him a convenient out. 

His head is spinning as he turns around and leaves after a short good-bye. He doesn't go to class; he keeps glancing over his shoulder, making sure Chad isn't following him, and then heads home, his phone still clutched in his hand.

+

Jared thinks about calling Jensen.

There's literally nobody else he can talk to about anything now anymore. 

The problem is that Jensen might never hurt Jared, but Jared knows that doesn't apply to other people. And if Jared tells him about Chad, god knows what would happen. And he feels like he owes it to Chad to at least try to talk to him first, give him the benefit of the doubt in case he's wrong. In case that wasn't about him, even though he knows the chances are slim.

And it's driving him crazy. For the past three years, Chad has been his best friend, his confidant. And maybe Jared hasn't told him everything about himself, his life, but that's because he's tried to let the past be the past.

He wonders if Chad knows — who Jared's father is, what he does. If he's known all along and for how long he's been going behind Jared's back, talking about him. If, maybe, Jared was never free of his father at all. Jared can't take the thought; it would make the past three years of his life a lie, would mean he never broke free and he's just been a blind idiot.

Eventually, Jared decides he has to do something, has to face the situation heads on. So he shoots Chad a text, asking him to come over because he needs to talk to him. If Chad is that eager to find out stuff about him, to relay information about him, Jared doubts it'll take him long to come running.

Chad texts him back within five minutes, and an hour later he shows up at Jared's doorstep.

"What's up?" Chad asks as he strolls past Jared into the tiny apartment. "Something happen?"

"Yeah. Yeah, something did happen."

"You okay, Jay?" Chad asks, and his concern sounds genuine. But Jared doesn't know what to believe anymore, doesn't know if anything Chad has said or done has ever been genuine.

"I heard you talking on the phone earlier," Jared says. He crosses his arms over his chest, eyes never leaving Chad.

Chad pales visibly. "Jared," he starts.

"Don't lie."

"Look, man. I'm just worried," Chad says.

"Were you talking to my father?" Jared asks bluntly.

"He's worried, too."

Jared snorts. "Yeah, right."

"He is. Jesus Christ, Jay, I know you two aren't close because you never talk about him or whatever. But he's worried about you and that dude you're dating."

"What does my father know about him?" Jared asks harshly, and Chad shrugs.

"Nothing. And neither do I, and that's just it," Chad says. "You always talk to me about stuff. About guys. And suddenly you don't and you're being all weird, secretive. What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know, but you think going behind my back, talking to my father about me – _spying_ on me, would make things better?" Jared says, his voice louder now. He lets his arms drop, clenching his fist. "You're my friend. You were _supposed_ to be my friend."

"Jay."

"How'd he even get you to talk to him, huh?" Jared asks, not letting Chad talk. "I mean, you know I don't really talk to him, you know we have issues. So why the hell would you talk to him about me?"

"He was just worried--"

"Bullshit! He knows nothing about me and my life, and you _know_ that. So how'd he get you to agree to this?" Jared prods. "What did he offer?"

Chad looks down at the ground, cheeks coloring a little. Jared wants to scream, to throw something.

"That's it, huh?" he asks, more quietly. He huffs out a humorless laugh. "How much did he offer you then?"

"Enough."

"And you thought, what the hell? Why not?" Jared mocks. "You didn't think that if a guy asks you to spy on his son and offers you money, maybe that's a bit sketchy?"

"I needed the money, Jay," Chad tries, and he meets Jared's gaze now, his eyes wide and pleading.

"Get out," Jared says.

"Jay."

"Get out," Jared repeats, louder. "And don't come back. 'Cause we're fucking done."

"Jared," Chad says.

"I'm two seconds away from punching you or doing something much worse. Something I'll really regret," Jared says, quietly, darkly. "So get out, Chad."

Chad swallows, but he does. He leaves, and Jared just stands there, in the middle of his tiny, crappy apartment that suddenly feels smothering.

+

_Come home. Please._

Jared stares down at the words. He feels a little guilty, knows Jensen is busy, but he needs him now. He needs Jensen to be there, to hold him, to be the one person Jared can still trust and rely on.

Not wanting to worry, he writes another message, typing out: _I'm okay. Just need you with me._

He presses himself into the cushions of Jensen's couch and takes a sip of the whiskey he'd poured himself. His head is pounding now, the headache sharp and insistent. Crying had made it worse, but he couldn't stop the tears after Chad had gone.

He sighs, wiping at his eyes, gritty now with dried tears, and finishes his drink.

Jensen will already have known he's here. He's got a whole building full of people who report to him, and Jared wonders if anyone said anything to him about how Jared looked when he showed up. Puffy eyes and face smeared with tears, not saying a word as he made his way up to Jensen's apartment and let himself in.

He hopes they didn't. Hopes that, if Jensen knew he was upset, he would have shown up here as soon as possible. Jared can't deal with another person letting him down today.

+

When Jensen shows up, twenty minutes later, he's rushing inside, looking a bit frantic.

"Sweetheart," Jensen says. He drops down onto his knees in front of Jared. "What the hell happened? Are you hurt? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jared says, because his heart hurts, and his chest, but he knows that's not what Jensen is talking about.

"Jay, what's going on?" Jensen asks, more calmly. He cups Jared's face, wipes his thumbs under Jared's eyes carefully. "Talk to me."

"Chad's been talking to my father," Jared says. 

"What's he been telling him?" 

Jared curls his hand around one of Jensen's wrists, squeezing. "Nothing much. He didn't know anything about us, don't worry. He just knows I've been dating someone, but that's about it," he says. "I trusted him. And my fucking father waves some money at him and that's it. He went behind my fucking back for money and... and he was my _best friend_ , Jensen."

"Jared," Jensen murmurs. He pushes himself up and sits down on the couch next to Jared, pulling him close. "I swear I will fucking kill the little rat."

The words are spoken softly, gently, but Jared knows Jensen isn't kidding. He would do it, in a heartbeat, if Jared told him to. 

"Don't," Jared says, meeting his eyes briefly to let Jensen know he's serious. "Don't... do anything. Okay? Please?"

"Jay."

"And don't call me Jay. Not right now."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Jensen agrees, and Jared loves him a little bit more than he already did in that moment. For agreeing so easily, even though he can't even know why the nickname bothers Jared so much right now. He might be able to guess, but he doesn't prod, doesn't question. 

"You sure we have nothing to worry about?" Jensen questions, running a hand down Jared's arm.

"No. I didn't tell him anything," Jared says.

"Okay," Jensen says. He kisses Jared's cheek. "Tell me what you need, sweetheart? If I can't kill him, or maim him a little I'm guessing, what can I do?"

Jared huffs out a small laugh. "Just... make me forget. Make me not think about the fact that everyone always fucking leaves or betrays me and that I always end up alone," he says. "Fuck, there must be something wrong with me."

Jensen cups his face and turns it toward him. "There's nothing wrong with you, Jared," he says. "And you're not alone."

"Show me," Jared murmurs, and Jensen kisses him, deep and slow, and Jared's head still hurts, his whole body hurts, but Jensen's mouth on his makes something inside him calm down, quieten.

He lets himself be kissed, be guided down onto the couch and peeled out of his clothes. Jensen kisses a path down his body, from his neck to his chest to his belly and then further down, until he has Jared's legs wrapped around his neck and his face buried between Jared's cheeks.

He eats Jared out noisily, humming and moaning as he licks over Jared's hole, wiggles his tongue in, gets Jared loose and wet. His stubble feels rough against the soft skin of Jared's ass, his thighs, and Jared hopes those marks will stay, that he'll still feel the sting of them tomorrow.

He moans and whimpers as Jensen fucks him with his tongue, wet and hot and dirty. He buries his fingers in Jensen's hair and holds him where he is, wishing more than anything he could Jensen deeper inside of him, could get more.

Jensen always makes him lose control, but tonight Jared feels like he's spinning out of it so fast it's making him dizzy. He's feeling needy, messed up, and there are tears on his cheeks that aren't just there because of the pleasure he's feeling. It's overwhelming, and when he comes with a loud cry, spilling all over his belly, he feels like he's bursting, coming apart at the seams.

+

They eat leftover take-out sitting at the counter in Jensen's kitchen, but Jared barely touches his food.

His stomach had rumbled, as they'd lain together on the couch, Jensen still hard and the tears on Jared's cheeks just having been kissed away. But Jared doesn't really feel hungry now, despite what his stomach tells him.

His headache hasn't ebbed away and his heart still feels too heavy.

"Mmm, I don't think I did good enough," Jensen notes and pushes his own box with food away.

"No," Jared denies and gives him a small smile. "You were great."

"Great. Okay," Jensen mocks. He comes to stand next to Jared, nudging the stool around and shifting between Jared's legs. "I can do better than great, sweetheart."

"It _was_ better than great," Jared says, and Jensen takes his face in both hands and kisses him, the sticky, salty taste of soy sauce on his lips.

"Let's try for mind-blowing," he murmurs and pushes into Jared until he can feel the counter digging into his back.

"Yeah, okay, let's," Jared mumbles into the kiss, more than willing to let Jensen distract him some more, even just for a little while.

And if there's one thing Jensen is, it's determined. 

Jared ends up bent over the counter, holding onto it tightly as Jensen fucks into him. The marble is hard and cold against his heated skin, warming up to his touch, and sweat is making him slippery, sliding against the surface, pressed into it with each of Jensen's thrusts. He sinks himself in deep each time, fucks Jared hard and fast with his hands digging into Jared's hips.

And when he's done, he picks Jared up like he weighs nothing and carries him up into the bedroom and does it all over again, until Jared is a moaning, writhing mess under him. Until he forgets everything but Jensen and the pleasure, the way it feels to have Jensen buried inside of him.

+

The headache is almost blinding when Jared wakes up.

He sucks in a breath, his entire body tense, and his eyes start to burn with tears at the intensity of it.

Jensen is sleeping peacefully, curled around him. Jared winces, but he tries to be quiet as he untangles himself from him and stumbles through the darkness into the bathroom.

He has to turn on the light then, but he dims it as much as he can, his stomach queasy with the pain. Jared has no idea where Jensen keeps painkillers, never needed them before while he was over, so he starts rummaging through the cabinets, praying he'll find something soon.

"Sweetheart?" 

Jared startles and he flinches when something falls out of the cabinet, clattering to the floor. 

"Hey," Jensen murmurs. He steps into the bathroom and takes Jared by the arm. "It's okay. Come sit down, baby."

He guides Jared to the closed toilet seat and gently pushes him down. "That's it, darling," he murmurs. "Painkillers?"

Jared gives a small nod.

Jensen brushes hair out of face, touch careful. "I could tell you had a headache earlier. You kept rubbing your temple," he says and gets up. "Should have given you something before we went to bed."

"'s okay," Jared says, but his voice sounds small, tense.

His stomach is rolling. And before Jensen can give him something to take, he lurches forward. There's a tub on the other side of the room, and Jared barely manages to get to it before he's throwing up. He heaves, pain spiking in his head, and he feels the hot tears starting to slide down his cheeks before groaned sobs break free from his chest.

"Shh," Jensen mumbles. "It's okay. It's okay, sweetheart. Calm down for me, breathe. Just breathe."

Jared tries, but it takes him a while before his stomach calms down and the heaving stops. Jensen doesn't leave his side, rubs his back and pushes his hair back. He hands Jared a glass of water when he's done, and Jared washes his mouth out, spitting into the tub carefully so he won't aggravate his head any further. 

"I'll clean that up," he says, voice scratchy and rough, looking down at the mess that's making his stomach roll all over again.

"I can take care of it, sweetheart," Jensen says. "You don't worry about that right now, okay? Let's get you lying down and then I'll get you something you can take for the pain."

Jared gives a weak nod, and then lets Jensen help him up and guide him back to bed. He sits on the edge of it, trying to keep his breathing even while Jensen leaves. The lamp on the bedside table is dimmed down so much it's barely even on, but Jared still keeps his eyes closed and only opens them again when Jensen comes back.

"Here," Jensen says and hands Jared some pills. Jared takes them, along with the water Jensen hands him, and swallows them down. He doesn't ask what they are, knows with Jensen chances are it could be something stronger than over-the-counter painkillers. But he trusts Jensen. And despite the pain, that thought makes him feel a little lighter — that he still has one person he trusts in his life.

+

Jared feels better the next morning. He still spends the day in bed, sleeping in late. Jensen has to leave, but he makes sure Jared has some food and plenty of water, and a phone on the bedside table.

Chris comes to check on him after a while, grumbling about being reduced to a babysitter, and Danneel peeks in on him a few hours later, too. She's a lot nicer about it, asking him if needs anything. 

"Other than the boss," she adds with a smirk, winking.

Jared flushes and shakes his head at her, but he thinks it's kinda nice that she teases him. That she isn't too afraid to do this. None of his father's men would have acted the way Danneel, or Chris, do with him. They're not scared of Jensen and that makes them not scared of Jared. He has no doubt there are plenty of people who _are_ scared of Jensen, rightfully so, but Jensen also has a small group of people who are close to him, who are _friends_ , and that's something his father never head. He kept everyone at arm's length, even his family.

Jensen keeps the people he loves close. And everyone else terrified.

+

"How are you feeling?" Jensen asks, sliding up behind Jared in bed.

"It was a headache. I'm not sick," he says. Jensen slides his arms around him and hums. Jared can smell the sharp scent of disinfectant on him and he tries not to let that affect him. 

He curls one of his hands into Jensen's and looks down at their fingers. There's a small dark stain in the corner of Jensen's nail, blood, and he starts picking at it, trying to clean it.

"Leave that be, babe," Jensen murmurs. "I'll go wash my hands again in a second."

Jared nods. "'s okay," he says, because it's nothing he isn't used to. Jensen seems to forget that sometimes — he's grown up the same way Jensen did, he's seen stuff, and things that would scare a normal person leave him numb. 

"I don't want you to be a part of this," Jensen says.

Jared laughs. "I am, though," he says. "I always have been. And I was an idiot for ever thinking I could get away."

"I won't bring it home if I can avoid it, sweetheart, you know that," Jensen says, pressing closer against Jared's back.

"I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about my father."

"We'll be rid of him soon," Jensen promises.

"Soon," Jared echoes, and hopes it's true. He took away his mother, and by doing so ruined the twisted version of a home, a community, that Jared had, and now he took away Chad too. If he took away Jensen, Jared thinks it would kill him.

"Soon," Jensen repeats into his ear. He slides a hand under Jared's shirt, splays it over his belly. "Don't think about it now. Right now, just think about this."

He trails his hand lower, slides it under Jared's boxer-briefs, and Jared's eyes flutter close as Jensen wraps his fingers around his cock.

+

Jared goes back to class the next day. But it's different.

He used to tell himself he fit in with these people, but truth is that he never did. He only fooled himself into believing that for the past three years. Chad helped. Chad made him feel normal — a college buddy, a friend, something everyone around him seemed to have, too.

And now Jared is alone again, and walking around campus alone, sitting by himself in class the way he usually does because he hates being distracted, he realizes how different he is. He's seen things these people never have, probably never will. He knows a life they only know from movies, at best, and Jared can't relate to their lives and they could never relate to his.

Halfway through his classes, Jared decides he's done for the day. He can't go running to Jensen's again, knows he needs to be more careful and that he's been too reckless these past few days already, but he doesn't want to go back to his place either.

He heads to the lake instead, the one where he spent his 18th birthday. He hasn't been back since, but as he sits down with his back against a tree close to the shore, he finally feels himself relax a little.

He wonders about the photo Jensen saw of him, what he looked like, what Jensen saw in him. 

Jared sits by the shore, staring out at the water for a good hour, thinking about everything and nothing. About his mother, most of all.

When he hears footsteps behind him, he doesn't turn around. He can't bring himself to care.

"You just gonna stare at the water all day?" Jeff asks, and sits down next to Jared.

"Maybe," Jared says. "How'd you find me here?"

"Been keeping tabs on you."

"For my father or Jensen?" Jared asks. 

Jeff grins, a little crooked. "Officially for your father, but Jensen might think it's kind of convenient."

"For how long?"

"A little while," Jeff says. "Your father was looking for someone to keep an eye on you, someone he can trust."

"What happened to the men that used to follow me?" Jared asks. 

"They weren't producing the results he was hoping for," Jeff says and shrugs. "You kept slipping past them."

Jared snorts. "Well, I wasn't gonna make it easy for them," he says and rests his arms on his bent knees. "Did you know about Chad?"

"That buddy of yours?" Jeff asks. "Yeah."

"Well, thanks for telling me," Jared mutters. 

"Kid, I'm not your babysitter. And I'm not gonna mediate between you and your little friends either, because I have better things to do," Jeff says. "Like keeping both of us alive right now, because your father knows something is up, and if he figures out Ackles is fucking you, things will get ugly real fast. Best way to do that is not to bring any attention to myself and let him believe I'm doing exactly what he wants me to."

"Why are you here right now then?"

"Because there's nobody else here to see us talk," Jeff says. "And because your boyfriend would skin me alive if you drowned yourself in the lake."

Jared huffs.

"And maybe I don't want you to drown yourself in the lake either."

"You're telling me you care, huh? I really would have needed you to care three years ago."

"Well, I'm a selfish bastard, Jared. I'll put my own life first, always," Jeff says. "If you don't, in this business, you're an idiot."

"Great. Glad we talked," Jared mutters and tries to get up, but Jeff grabs his wrist and holds him in place.

"You listen to me, Jared. Your mother and you, you were important to me. And I'm sorry. But your father is a hard man to please and he's way too trigger happy," Jeff says. "I did what I had to do, for myself. There are very few people in the business who aren't like that."

Jared glares at Jeff. "You suck at pep talks," he says. "Now let go of me."

"No, listen to me. You want to be with Jensen, you wanna do this with him, live this life with him?" Jeff asks. "You gotta grow a thicker skin, kid, and stop running from this life. Because you found someone who is different, who _will_ put you first."

"I'm not running."

"You always have been, Jared," Jeff says. "I used to think you weren't cut out for this life, but I think I was wrong. I hope for your sake I was."

Jared stares back out of the water, silent for a moment. "You loved her. How could you love her and... not do anything?"

"For some people, love isn't enough, Jared," Jeff says. And then he slides his arm around Jared, tugs him close, a little roughly.

"I hate you for that," Jared admits.

"Good. I sometimes hate myself, too," Jeff says and Jared doesn't cry, but he wants to.

"And Jesus Christ," Jeff adds. "You tell Ackles about this, and I will kill you. He might be sweet as a kitten with you, but I've seen what the man can do with a knife and I'd rather not have him get close to me with one for touching you."

"You're scared of him," Jared says and Jeff laughs.

"Kid, I think maybe you have no idea who you're dating," he says. "You wanna know why I finally switched sides? Because your fucking father is scared of Ackles, too, and I've never seen him scared of anyone."

Jared thinks maybe that should worry him, frighten him, but he smiles at Jeff's words, and feels pride bloom in his chest.

+

A buzzing wakes Jared up.

Next to him, Jensen shifts and Jared watches sleepily as he picks up his phone from the nightstand, the screen illuminating the room.

"Yeah?" Jensen says, voice rough and quiet. Then he falls silent for a while, listening, and Jared can hear the tinny sound of a voice coming from the other end.

He shifts and touches Jensen's bare hip, letting him know he's awake.

"Shit. Okay," Jensen says and his hand finds Jared's under the sheets. "Where are you?"

There's a beat of silence and then Jensen says, "I'm on my way."

He tosses the phone onto the nightstand.

"What's going on?" Jared asks.

"Your father knows about us," Jensen says. Jared thinks he stops breathing, his blood going cold in his veins.

"What?"

"Don't worry. We fucking _have_ him," Jensen says. 

"How?"

"Jeff; he was alone with him and Jeff called for back-up. They're in a warehouse outside of town right now," Jensen says and leans in, pressing a kiss to Jared's mouth. "I gotta leave, sweetheart. This is something I have to do myself. You go back to sleep, okay? And when I'm back, it'll be over... told you we were close now."

He kisses Jared again, hard and fast, and then slips out of bed. 

"Wait," Jared says. He turns the lamp on the nightstand on, blinking at the sudden brightness. 

Jensen is standing by the side of the bed, naked, looking at him. 

"You change your mind?" he asks, and he doesn't sound mad, or surprised. He sounds calm. Almost indifferent. 

With Jensen, that's his biggest weapon. It's not his anger, his violence. It's his controlled, rarely faltering calmness. And even in that moment, Jared knows he has nothing to be scared of. 

"No," he says and gets up, too. "I want to come."

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is clearly turning into a 'verse :)
> 
> Also, shameless plug: I now have a fic tumblr where I plan on posting things like snippets, short timestamps, fics memes, and answer questions if anyone ever has some about my writing. Feel free to check it out — there's nothing much there yet, but hopefully that'll change: [whispered-story-fics](https://whispered-story-fics.tumblr.com/). ♥


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